When I work with teams facing challenges—strained relationships between departments, communication breakdowns, or persistent organizational hurdles—I often see the same pattern: people feel stuck. Frustration builds, blame starts to circulate, and progress grinds to a halt.
Here’s the truth: most complaints are about things we can’t control—other people’s behavior, their feelings, their wants and needs. And let’s be honest, complaining about what you can’t change is not only a dead end but also a colossal waste of time.
That’s why one of my go-to tools for breaking out of this cycle is the Control-Influence-Concern Circle. It’s simple, it’s effective, and it forces teams to step back and focus on what they can actually do.
The Origins of the Control-Influence-Concern Circle
This concept originated with psychologist Kurt Lewin in the 1940s to describe the social forces that shape behavior and attitudes. It gained widespread recognition thanks to Stephen Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, where the “Circle of Influence” is defined as the aspects of life you have the power to change.
When a team is overwhelmed, I pull up this graphic—the Control-Influence-Concern Circle—and walk them through it:
- Circle of Control: What can you directly control? These are your words, actions, and choices. This is where your power lies.
- Circle of Influence: What can you influence, even if you don’t control the outcome? Think relationships, processes, or decisions you can sway through behavior or communication.
- Circle of Concern: What are you worried about but have no control or influence over? These are big-picture issues, external factors, or decisions made far beyond your reach.
Real-World Example: Untangling Departmental Conflict
Let me share an example. I worked with an organization where two departments were locked in a toxic cycle of poor communication and mutual frustration. Tensions were high, progress was slow, and morale was at rock bottom.
To get them moving forward, I introduced the Control-Influence-Concern Circle and had them map their complaints into each category. Unsurprisingly, most issues fell into the Circle of Concern—things they couldn’t directly control or influence.
This realization often feels daunting at first. It’s easy to panic when you see how much is outside your control. That’s why the next step is so critical: refocusing on what you can do.
Asking the Right Questions
Once the issues were mapped out, we tackled three key questions to help the team regain clarity and momentum:
1. Has Anything Worked Before?
When you’re stuck, it’s easy to overlook past successes. But somewhere in your organization’s history, solutions have worked. I asked the team, “Has anything worked before?”
One person remembered that things improved briefly when the department heads regularly met for coffee or lunch. These informal interactions fostered trust and mutual understanding, making formal communication easier. This small success sparked new ideas: What if we reintroduced informal opportunities for connection?
Takeaway: Look for past wins. They’re there, even if buried under layers of frustration.
2. What Haven’t We Tried?
Sometimes teams get stuck in a cycle of trying the same failed strategies over and over. This question opens the door to creative thinking.
I asked, “What haven’t you tried yet?” This question can lead to two realizations:
- Maybe the team hasn’t tried much at all, revealing that they’ve been passive and need to take action.
- Or, despite previous failed attempts, there are still new ideas and tactics worth exploring.
In this case, brainstorming led to fresh approaches, including cross-departmental “idea exchanges” where employees shared challenges and solutions in real time.
Takeaway: Be willing to try something new, no matter how unconventional it seems.
3. If Nothing Works, How Do We Thrive in This Reality?
Sometimes the core issue is in the Circle of Concern—completely beyond your control or influence. When this happens, the focus must shift to adaptation.
For example, during the pandemic, none of us had control over shutdowns or travel restrictions. Yet organizations found ways to adapt. In another instance, I worked with a team grappling with a board decision to terminate a beloved Executive Director. While the decision was ultimately appropriate, it left the team feeling betrayed and powerless.
In moments like this, I ask:
- “What can we control in this situation?”
- “How do we need to adapt to thrive in this new reality?”
- “How can we support each other through this?”
These questions helped the team shift their energy from mourning what was lost to finding ways to navigate the transition.
Takeaway: When change is inevitable, focus on resilience and adaptation.
Finding Clarity and Moving Forward
When you’re stuck, it’s tempting to fixate on everything going wrong—most of which is beyond your control. But clarity comes when you redirect your focus to what you can do.
By mapping your challenges with the Control-Influence-Concern Circle and asking the right questions, you create a path forward. You shift from feeling stuck and powerless to taking meaningful action. And ultimately, that’s how you help your team move beyond frustration, rebuild momentum, and thrive.
